There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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