1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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