Cold hands, warm shart.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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