he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
