i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
