I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
