that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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