I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
