Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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