..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Houston, we have a blender
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
