I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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