I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
