last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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