nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
