I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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