She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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