i think my mom watched the whole time
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
