dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the condom got lost in my hair
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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