Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
