I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
