Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
