After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
