is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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