I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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