She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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