What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
