Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
