Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
