All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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