I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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