there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
