You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
