Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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