I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
