I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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