There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
