Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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