Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are all done wearing pants today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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