your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
