I'm jealous of your bromance
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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