He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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