god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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