is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
