he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
