Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
