I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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