you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
