Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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