he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
