at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize