Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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