If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
