I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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