32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
