we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
