So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
