that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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