Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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