They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
