dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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