She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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