I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
