I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
