she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
