watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
