8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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