i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
