Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize