hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
