I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
